Race Recap: Dine and Dash Burgers and Trail Race 2014

Yesterday, for the first time in my 12-year history of running, I was the female overall winner of a race.


Yes, I ran the race in my hot dog costume. (There was also a costume award–which I wasn’t eligible for after winning the other prize–and I wanted to make sure I won something. I wanted one of these commemorative plates!)

And the race wasn’t only about fast running. It was also about fast eating. (Which I learned I’m actually pretty terrible at.)

The race was the Dine & Dash Burgers & Trail Race in Hamburg, Pennsylvania. It’s part of the town’s annual hamburger festival. How it works is: You eat a burger, then run a mile, then eat another burger, then run another mile. When I told my coach I was doing this, she said, “Sounds miserable.” I often run shortly after eating eggs and toast, so I wasn’t too worried about stomach problems.

What I should have been worried about, though, and what I should have trained better for, was the speed-eating portion.

There were 32 people in the race, and I was the second to last person to finish the first burger. Second! To! Last!

Luckily, I was able to quickly gain some ground on the first run segment, despite my hot dog costume, which was not terribly breathable or aerodynamic.

Ladies be like, "Ugh. I just got passed by a hot dog."

Ladies be like, “Ugh. I just got passed by a hot dog.”

My second burger went down a bit more smoothly despite the fact that it was at least 25% larger than the first one. I learned that you need to use the water to wash down hunks of burger that may not be as chewed as you’d like them to be. And then, I was given some beads (how they tell at the finish that you completed your second burger) and was headed back home.


My time of 19:52.6 was good enough for first female. (No idea how that breaks down in terms of burger-eating time versus running time.) But, I will admit that it was not good enough to beat Paul, who totally smoked me at this race.

Hurting. But he said this race was better than the Philly Marathon, so!

Hurting. But he said this race was better than the Philly Marathon, so!

This was a fun little race that I wouldn’t be opposed to doing again. For $25, I got two burgers, a sweet T-shirt (see below), and an awesome plate that I will be displaying proudly in my office (see below the below). And, I learned that my hot dog costume isn’t so restrictive that I can’t run freely in it, but that I should probably save it for cold-weather races.

Tie dye! The front has a fake comic book cover (the festival's theme was Superheroes) with the Hamburg movie theater showing "The Dark Cow Rises." The back has the race logo, a determined-looking running hamburger.

Tie dye! The front has a fake comic book cover (the festival’s theme was Superheroes) with the Hamburg movie theater showing “The Dark Cow Rises.” The back has the race logo, a determined-looking running hamburger.

I shall cherish this award forever. My first overall win!

I shall cherish this award forever. My first overall win!

For more photos, see the event sponsor’s Facebook page.


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Race Recap: Kelly LaBare 5K 2014

This race was my first ever road race back in 2003 (!), so when I realized I’d be in Binghamton for it, I figured it might be cool to do it again. “I’ll totally blow my 16-year-old self out of the water,” I thought.

Well, I did, but not by as much as I expected—21:24 versus 23:15. I really thought I’d go sub-21 because I did it, handily, after all that beer and cheese back in March.

No. It was warm and very humid (84%!) and my body just DID NOT WANT. I went out like I was going to go sub-21 and very quickly was like, “NOPE.”



I was wildly disappointed after my 2003 performance as well. Funny how that works!

I am trying to remember a few things: that it was humid, that my coach had me run four warmup miles in weather that didn’t require much of a warmup, that she did so because I am working toward a marathon and not a 5K, and that my performance was, down to the second, exactly what the Run Smart Calculator prescribed for me given the conditions and my current fitness.

Basically, I wanted this race to boost my confidence, and it didn’t. But I probably shouldn’t have expected it to.

At least I got in a little racing experience before The Big Day. I hadn’t raced since April, so, I guess that’s good?

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Eras of Music Discovery, and Why I Just Can’t Spotify

I recently downgraded from paid Spotify to ye olde free version. They said, “Ooh, baby, give me one more chance…”

Screen Shot 2014-07-16 at 9.32.53 AM

…but I did not let them back in my heart.

So, I wasn’t really using Spotify, which is a great reason to quit. I found it inconvenient for listening in the car—plug it in! wait for it to connect! figure out what I want to hear! hope my service doesn’t go out!—unless I was going on a long trip. And artists don’t really make money from it, and I want the artists I like to make money.

But my #1 problem with Spotify was, and has always been, this: There’s just too much freakin’ music.

Before Spotify, I got into music in a bunch of different ways:

1993: Saw Free Willy, asked for a portable compact disc player and the Free Willy soundtrack for Christmas, listened to “Will You Be There?” through headphones at the dining room table (because if you moved the player at all, the CD would skip).

My first CD.

1994-1997: Friend’s eccentric dad made me copies of Weird Al tapes. Saw Alanis Morissette videos on VH1, purchased album at The Wall (lifetime guarantee!), listened to first few tracks on drive home with my mom, was mortified to learn that second track (“You Oughta Know”) contained the F-word, did not even know what “would she go down on you in a theater” meant. Saw Titanic five times –> “My Heart Will Go On.”

1998-2000: TRL. And the radio, of course.

2001-2004: I would hear a song I liked on some music-video channel—Fuse? The Box?—and download it using the file-sharing site of the moment. (RIP, original Napster.) This is how I ended up with at least 50 unlabeled CDs of random crap from this era. (I have them in my car. Paul likes to pop them in on long drives. One contained several Shania Twain songs. Another, several Blessid Union of Souls tracks. One had a song by City High that wasn’t “what would you do if your son was at home / crying all alone on the bedroom floor ’cause he’s hungry?”) My friends got me into Dave Matthews Band and John Mayer (and I’ll never forgive them). I also liked to go to Target and purchase albums that just looked cool. (How I got into Modest Mouse.)

2005-2008: College. I worked for a freakin’ music magazine. I was definitely not cool enough for the job, but many of my coworkers were. And once I heard of an artist I liked, it was easy enough to find an album through some program that let you download music from other computers on your network in the dorms. Hence: full albums from MGMT, the Decemberists, Death Cab, Kings of Leon (when they were cool), Justice, and on and on.

2009-Spotify: I went back to the high-school method—obtaining songs from the internet (not from a sketchy Napster-like service! ones that were hosted on blogs, through sites like Hype Machine) and burning random mixes to CDs. I’d find the songs through XPN, or Sirius XMU, or Stereogum.

And then I joined Spotify, and it became, “HOW MUCH OF THIS CAN I LISTEN TO?” instead of, “Oh, I like that song. I think I’ll check out the album, listen to it several times, and really give it a chance.”

And you have to do the latter thing in order for music to become a teleportation device.

By that, I mean, you know how there are some songs or albums you can listen to and they transport you back to a particular moment and/or era in your life?

Some personal examples:
“Landed” by Ben Folds = breaking up with my long-term high school boyfriend and finally settling into college
“Sentimental Heart” by She and Him = my first fall in the Lehigh Valley, trying to keep a long-distance college relationship afloat
“No One’s Gonna Love You” by Cee Lo = driving to Bethlehem (while belting this out) on a cold evening in December 2010 in search of my first solo apartment

If you only listen to everything one time, you’ll never build those connections. And there will never be a song that makes you feel the freedom of ending your first serious (and not awesome) relationship, or the bittersweet feeling of clinging to the past when you know you should really be moving forward, or like you’re going to go look at a shitty apartment because your roommate is moving to New York City and almost all your friends will follow her soon but you don’t know it yet.

Music is for emotions!

In conclusion, I bought a couple albums on iTunes today and thought, “I don’t have any blank CDs. This stinks.” And then a coworker was cleaning out his office and put a whole stack of blank CDs on the free table. It’s a sign. Spotify-free is the way to be.


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#YesAllWomen Are Told to Be Fearful

A few years ago, I took a free women’s self-defense class at a local martial arts studio. The instructor’s first advice to us was, “Never go anywhere alone.”

Don’t go for a run alone. Don’t go to the grocery store alone. Don’t even walk to or from your car in broad daylight alone.

He actually told us that! He actually told a room full of women never to go anywhere alone! And he MEANT it!

Awaiting our lecture. Click through for more photos that really misrepresent the overarching message of this class.

Awaiting our lecture. Click through for more photos that really misrepresent the overarching message of this class.

When I read through some of the #YesAllWomen tweets, this was one personal-experience incident that came to mind for me. Sure, I’ve been catcalled more times than I can count. I’ve been followed while running twice. I’ve been made to feel unsafe by men, strangers and non-strangers alike, and that’s bullshit.

But what this instructor told us was a different kind of bullshit. His message was, “You should feel unsafe, always. You should have a less-rich experience of life, just because someone could be lurking out there, waiting to hurt you. It’s better to hide away in your home where it’s safe* than to venture out into the big, scary world all by yourself.”

(*My most alarming experience of this nature happened inside the place I was living at the time, so apparently I shouldn’t have even been there alone.)

I expected this class to be empowering. I expected to be told, “Here are some practical ways to kick someone’s ass if you ever need to defend yourself.” Instead, I was told, “Step one: Live in fear. If that doesn’t work, well, here are some defensive moves. But they aren’t nearly as effective as living in fear.”

That’s not fair.

Yes, bad things can and do happen to women at the hands of men. But teaching women to be constantly fearful is not the answer.

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Six years ago today, I drove to Allentown with my mom to check out some places to live during my three-month internship at Bicycling.

It was pouring rain, just like it is now. We got horribly lost trying to find the house I was seeing first. (Thanks, Mapquest!) We finally found it, I decided to live there, and because we had already planned to stay overnight–at the glamorous Wingate, right by the I-78/Hamilton Boulevard interchange–we needed to entertain ourselves.

So we drove to King of Prussia and went to the mall. Obviously.

Here are the things I knew about Allentown before that first visit:

  • We passed it en route to my aunt’s when she used to live in the Philly suburbs.
  • Dorney Park was there.
  • Billy Joel wrote a song about it. (Which I only learned a few days before I visited, and which I only later learned was more about Bethlehem than Allentown.)

Here are the things I learned about Allentown during that first visit:

  • King of Prussia isn’t that close to Allentown.
  • Pay attention or you might turn from Cedar Crest onto Hamilton Boulevard going the wrong way.
  • The Wingate is a pretty decent hotel.

Seriously, we did not do much exploring. I was only going to be there for a few months, after all, and then I would move to a more exciting, urban place like Philadelphia where I could just continue having the same friends and doing the same things I did in college.

In fact, during my first full weekend in my new home, I left a party my housemates were having to drive to Philly to hang out with college friends.


Me at that party. I am really making an effort to meet people and have fun, right? Right?

Literally on my way out the door at said party, I met Paul. (And by “met,” I mean, my friend Matt introduced us as I was heading to my car with my overnight bag, and I was like, “Hi. Bye.”)

And I’m living here in Allentown, six years later, just a few blocks from that first house, very happy with my life, planning my wedding to Paul.

I’m not sure what the moral of this story is. “Be a total turd, leave the party early, and you’ll still end up with the person you’re supposed to be with”?

That’s probably not it. It’s probably more like, if you’re living in a new place, give it a freakin’ chance.

I totally didn’t do that for my first six months in the Lehigh Valley, even after I’d gotten a full-time job. I was constantly visiting college friends in Philly, high-school friends in Binghamton, or, later, my college boyfriend (an ill-advised reunion born of a mutual unwillingness to give our respective new places a freakin’ chance) in Richmond.

It’s hard being in a new place and living a new life. I remember feeling completely out of my mind with Wishing I Were Still in College some nights. “Why don’t people want to do stuff during the week?” I thought. (Because, work. I’m one of those people myself, now.) I remember thinking how much happier I’d be if I lived in Philly. In fact, I had an interview for a job in Philly the same week I got my job in Allentown. (A job that sounded totally sucky, in retrospect. I’m glad I decided to stay here!)

But the painful transition phase probably wouldn’t have lasted so long if I’d spent less time wishing I was elsewhere.

In conclusion…Allentown is cool!

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